Thursday, October 31, 2002

Safire has lost it

Today William Safire has finally shown that he's gone around the bend. Saying that he was vindicated in saying that the snipers were "inspired" by Al Qaeda because the man had changed his name to Muhammad, he goes on to say that he now feels justified in (apparently) making any wild leap of judgment he wants.

First, there's no evidence that John Muhammad was "inspired" by anything but the voices in his friggin head. Just because someone's a Muslim doesn't mean they buy what Bin Laden's selling. Anyone who likes that level of elasticity in their evidence will probably believe that child-murderer David Allen Westerfield was inspired by Rush Limbaugh. Remember that Muhammad wrote messages on tarot cards and tried to get Catholic priests to speak to the police for him. Do these sound like the actions of a hardline Muslim? (No they don't, says David Walsh, Ph.D., president and founder of the National Institute on Media and the Family, it shows he was a player of video games.) Does anyone see Mullah Mohammed Omar calling up a priest to speak for him? Perhaps we finally have the evidence we need to arrest Cardinal Law. While we're at it, let's pick up Miss Cleo, too.

Safire goes on to make a wild leap of faith, saying that the Senate will go Republican by two or three and the House Democratic by a dozen. Seems a bit of a stretch. Something that someone might guess if they were really starting to go loopy. I suggest that someone who loves him should start checking Safire's food for aluminum and surveying the lead content of his house paint or, my hunch is that his columns will start reading something like this:

"All of you who sent me letters saying that I was foolish for predicting that monkeys are reading our minds are laughing out the other side of your faces now, I'll bet, after clear evidence was made available on Animal Planet last night. You saw that monkey looking at me. Peanut brittle. There are no ham-based hats anymore, but the indictment against Hillary Clinton will be here any day now. Whisker pants fill the red wagon with flapjacks. Slide down the chocolate pinpoint, right? Gaaa gaaa gaaa flufty toodle bongo."


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