If any of the guys I was with in Afghanistan would have done this, I would have knocked the shit out of them. I can't, however, think of one person who would have.
Let's call this Nitpicker Rule #1: No country, party, religion or profession has yet cornered the market on heroes or assholes.
P.S. I wrote this almost exactly nine years ago, for the Kansas State Collegian:
During his failed run at the presidency, Bob Dole was speaking to a veterans' group when he claimed veterans were just a little bit better than other Americans. I was still on board my ship, the USS Abraham Lincoln, at the time and had to laugh, because two days before this statement, our showers had once again been attacked by the "Phantom Shitter."
The P.S. was a guy (as far as we know it was one person) who for some reason found it funny to defecate in our shower stalls. He probably found it a lot funnier because we only had four shower stalls to be shared by 80 people. He would attack maybe once a month, giving almost everyone a chance to witness the spectacle at least once.