Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Beaten to the punch

Sadly, No! commenter Tom's Cousin Blader reads my mind and posts this take on the ongoing "Whitey Tape" travesty still playing out on the right blogosphere.
I AM HOLDING THE TAPE BUT NOT ITS PASSWORD, AS THE REPRESENTATIVE OF AN INDIVIDUAL IN KINSASHA, CURRENTLY UNDER HOUSE ARREST AND WHO IS THE ONLY INDIVIDUAL WHO KNOWS THIS PASSWORD. GIVEN THE TENUOUS POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT IN OUR CAPITAL, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, HE MUST REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

MY OWN CREDENTIALS ARE EASILY VERIFIED, SINCE I AM A CIVIL SERVANT WORKING FOR THE NIGERIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN A CAPACITY MANY IN THE WEST WOULD RECOGNIZE AS SIMILAR TO THAT OF A BANKING AUDITOR.

DESPITE MY GOVERNMENT SERVICE, I CAN LEGALLY ACT AS THE AGENT OF ANOTHER, BUT BECAUSE OF POSITION, I AM UNABLE TO PERSONALLY ACCEPT TRANSACTIONAL FUNDS FOR SUCH INDIVIDUALS.

I THEREFORE NEED SUCH AN INDIVIDUAL TO ACT AS AN INTERMEDIARY BETWEEN THE POSSESSOR OF THE TAPE IN QUESTION, AND THE FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY. THE LATTER IS CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO PAY MY CLIENT THE SUM OF $21,000,000 USD UPON COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSACTION. MY CLIENT WILL CONSEQUENTLY PAY ME $4,400,000 FOR THE CUSTOMARY PRIMARY MEDIATION FEE. I, IN TURN, WILL PAY YOU $2,200,000 WHICH IS THE CUSTOMARY FEE PAID TO ALL SECONDARY MEDIATORS IN THIS TRANSACTION.
There's more.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home