Thursday, October 29, 2009

From the Office of Things I'd Love To See

[PARODY]
From the office of Rep. Alan Grayson
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Recently, it was suggested by Fox News' Bill O'Reilly that I was unwilling to be on his opinion program. Mr. O'Reilly went so far as to send the network's Teabagger cheerleader, Griff Jenkins to ambush me outside my office, but I was too busy to speak with him at that moment.

Primarily, Mr. Jenkins wanted to speak with me about an off-hand comment I made and for which I apologized. I shouldn't have referred to a lobbyist as a "K Street Whore" for a couple of reasons: A) It's insensitive and B) the lobbyist isn't selling, she's buying. It's the Republican Party that is acting like a party of whores by selling off their honor and even the lives of their constituents by opposing health care in order to please their insurance lobbyist customers.

I would note, however, that it seems unlikely Mr. O'Reilly truly cares about what he calls "irresponsible" language. Just ask Andrea Mackris.

On the other hand, I would be glad to meet with Mr. O'Reilly or one of his reporters, with a few stipulations:
  1. Knowing Fox News' penchant for deceptively editing statements by Democrats, Mr. O'Reilly will agree to air the entire, unedited interview.
  2. In order to ensure this promise is kept, a member of Representative Grayson's staff will be allowed to videotape the interview as it is conducted and the Congressman reserves the right to publish that video on YouTube should Mr. O'Reilly edit the video or refuse to air it.
  3. The interview will take place in Representative Grayson's Congressional office.
I must admit that I feel disappointed about the animosity I feel emanating from Fox News and Mr. O'Reilly in particular and I would like to take the first step in repairing the relationship. Knowing how much Mr. O'Reilly enjoys a good falafel, I have ordered 100 falafels to be delivered to Fox News headquarters building tomorrow at noon. I hope that Mr. O'Reilly and his staff will accept this peace offering and I'm sure other members of the media might like to capture this delivery for posterity.

I'm looking forward to the interview!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The music is reversable...but time is not. TURN BACK...TURN BACK...TURN BACK...TURN BACK!!!"

The Italian peninsula is very pronounced as it juts out into the Medietereanean.
Considering the shape it is quite obvious they were the primary targets of the post-IceAge/Straight of Gibralter/Noah's Flood disaster.
Considering the shape of the boot and how Sicily "caught" the surge, the resulting tsunami inundated the entire southern portion of the peninsula, killing everything and perhaps covering even the highest land masses.
In the 20th century the Italians were convinced entering clone hosting was ascention into heaven, and their success was a recruiting tool, just as the Holocaust was for the Jews.

Until ugliness ocurrs I won't have the disfavored's respect. How ugly do you people need it to get?
They obviously fail to recognize storms are my specialty.
The Gods just sent another clue:::2.24 orca killing two days after viewing "The Cove".
She's better off dead than knowingly incurring evil in her profession, but this is very common today:::People think they are "earning".
How's an 8.8 for ugly????:::I was told I was not welcome because I insulted the shitty quality of their fruit.
"You're not welcome here." Oh no? Ok...
They're sending a clue about who I am.

The women have God's favor, and when the women do all the evil, as was the case in my family, this serves to "equalize" the playing field, ensuring no wisdom comes to this family as they grow older. As a result they never make progress and achieve the lowest possible placement when reincarnated.

The Gods have black women betray the men to prime misogyny in the black community.
They're lying to you and they've been your WHOLE LIVES!!
Europeans deserved to be inflicted with Christianity and the United States. It's just too bad the black man had to assimilate into this white punishment.
How ironic:::As they strive for "equal rights" they actually are sinking lower into the mire of disfavor.
Reverse positioning.

Just as the Gods prohibited the Italians from attacking the Moors because of their favor, so were the Jews prohibited from attacking (most) motherland Germans. Instead they attacked German-Americans.
And the United States for ignoring the Holocaust as it happened. Thus we had the 60s and the deterioration of decency in society.
Californication.
The Italians, sexual a primary problem, had an endless supply at hand.
The Jews, sheltered from this new-world holocaust in their communities, watched the devestation.
As you entered the "valley of steel" you fell prey to temptation and betrayed your families and were punished:::The Gods "managed" these groups whom did their dirty work, "downgrading" the Jews for their obscene wickedness post-Holocaust.
Both Catholic, the Irish were too drunk to organize, which is why they didn't hurt the BILLIONS which Italians did.

The voice you hear in your head is the power of the Gods. It's a remote technology, like a computer, perhaps functioning on some frequency, and it can listen and talk to everyone in the universe simultaneously.
What the Gods taught the children was the truth:::God is everywhere, and this is what they meant. I will remind you of another principle you learned as a child:::If you want to go to heaven you have to be good.
Even the antient Gods don't have the ability to listen to people's thoughts themselves. They taugh we were all made in their image:::I expect they need this "Artificial Intelligence" they created to relay what people think.
It is a tool, and the Gods use their tools to test people with temptation:::It will role-play people in your life:::Parents, friends, spouses, and employers, all in an attempt to test people with temptation.

And justice for all.

10:26 PM  
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2:29 AM  

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